Mens Locker Room

7 Sep

men's locker roomI’m just going to say it: I am tired of looking at old guys junk every time I walk into the mens locker room. It is always an unwelcome greeting EVERYTIME I walk in the gym to throw stuff in the locker. When I turn the corner, I am promptly greeted with a combination of old man ass, wiener, and snow pubes. It’s like Field of Dreams where the doctor turns from kid into old man when he steps off the field; once you turn the corner and the floor turns from shock-absorb rubber to slip-proof tile, you are inevitably going to be looking at balls drooping towards an artificial kneecap.

Hey old guys, why does it have to be like this? It’s disturbing enough to disrupt my day; not only ruining my morning, but I have to walk around with that image ingrained in my short term memory. How hard is it to wear a towel while you gallivant and stretch around the locker room? For a generation that is largely homophobic, you are a little too leisurely with showing your dick off.

fresh outHey any gym USA, can you please design a locker room with a mild amount of privacy? It’s been the same design for 100 years and you just figure this issue will take care of itself. But it doesn’t. You don’t see young guys strutting around the mens locker room like this. But eventually guys get burned so many times they just decide one day to say “When in Rome” and become part of the problem. I understand that people get old and things start to sag, but when does the “zero fucks given” attitude completely absorb a guys self-image? Put up a sign in the locker room like “Holster your weapon soldier”; maybe an old war reference will get them to turn back the clock to when they cared.

Honestly, I’m really not sure who to blame for this epidemic: the gym design or old guys giving zero fucks. I know for a fact that neither parties are helping. It would be great if both parties could step up on this though.

Am I am a bit of a hypocrite? Yes, there has been countless situations where my junk has caught my friends eye in comedic nature. But those are friends…and occasionally friendly casualties. Am I mildly ageist? Yes. I like old guys and enjoy their company, but I could go without seeing them naked. Is that too much to ask? Like it matters anyway; guess who isn’t going to read this: old guys that frequently abuse the mens locker room. And guess who gives zero fucks even if they do: Dutch.

Tell me about the old guys balls you last saw in the comments below.

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